You work hard, you make good money, and you have the freedom to do anything you want, so why does it feel like something is missing?
While you were putting in your hours working towards that promotion, thinking about your next vacation, something inside you was neglected. You’re a driven and ambitious person, are you going to continue to ignore the part of you that’s longing for fulfillment? It’s time to stop, listen, and think about what you really need to be fulfilled.
In January of 2015, I found myself single for the first time in 20 years. I was saddened, but more than that I was lost. After so many years living as half of a couple I’d forgotten how to be an individual. My entire identity had been defined by the presence of another person. All my decisions, activities, and friendships had been made with someone else in mind. Without that other person, I found these things dissatisfying. I felt like a stranger in my own life. The activities and people that I’d previously enjoyed filling my time with all began to fade away. I was left alone…with a stranger. This wasn’t a complete loss for me, however, it was an opportunity. An opportunity to reassess my life and get back in touch with myself. For the first time in 20 years, I was forced to ask myself, “What do you want? What do you like? Who are you?” I had a few answers, but I wasn’t satisfied with them. I was a business owner with a continued focus on building a comfortable income. While others may have been satisfied with this, it was an identity that rang hollow for me. I realized that the never-ending cycle of work I’d put myself in, focusing completely on my financial stability, had left a more integral part of my identity neglected. It was time to put that work in, my Soulwork, and learn how to be me.
I sought out resources that I thought could teach me about myself. I attended spiritual groups and started reading self-help books. Thanks to my effort and the wide variety of research that I undertook, I learned that the key to my happiness was the realization of the aspects of myself that had gone neglected; my values, my interests, and my preferences. The books that I read and the groups I attended could only get me that far. They helped me realize what I was missing, but they couldn’t tell me what those things were. I needed to find those things for myself. I needed to figure out my real questions. I knew it wouldn’t be easy to coach myself, but I’ve never been someone to back down from a challenge. I already knew how to roll up my shirtsleeves and put in the work, and I knew this would be no different. It was time to hold myself accountable, roll up my sleeves, and do what I’ve come to call, my Soulwork.
I was living a stranger’s life. The longer I went through the motions, the more lost I felt. How could I discover myself, when I was being constantly reminded of who I had been? I needed to get away, in an extreme way. This need fueled my first self-discovery. I remembered a desire I’d had as a young man, to travel, live somewhere unfamiliar, and experience a culture different from my own. This was a desire that had been buried under the pressure to please my spouse. Now that pressure was gone, and the money I’d accumulated could provide for my unearthed dream.
I decided to take a sabbatical. I would fulfill my lifelong dream of living in a foreign land, ask myself some real questions and learn about myself in the process. I chose to backpack through Europe. Inspired by a book I’d read, The Camino by the actress Shirley MacLaine, I decided to start my adventure on the “El Camino de Santiago”, a 500-mile pilgrimage across Northern Spain, over mountains and across wheat fields to Santiago de Compostela, the capital of Spain’s Galicia region. I remembered in her book how she described pilgrims carrying walking staffs with a scallop shell tied to them, just as Saint James the apostle did centuries before. I knew then, The Camino was what my soul needed. I owned a walking stick, a treasured gift from my mother, and I wanted nothing more than to take it along the path of Saint James as so many other pilgrims have done before. This was a dream I knew my partner didn’t share, so I accepted that it would always be a dream, never reality.
After so many years, I not only remembered my dream, I realized I could easily turn it into a reality. I knew people from all around the world were drawn to The Camino, a traditional and historic pilgrimage, for many reasons including self-exploration, physical challenge, and spiritual or religious reasons. I wouldn’t have to think about lodging. The abundance of hostels made it perfect for the solo backpacker. The Camino already existed as a place in the recesses of my mind. The tranquil hills and smooth paths I pictured filled my soul with peace.
Despite this longing, taking a sabbatical was very frightening. I had to convince myself that I wasn’t abandoning the life I’d built. My career and everything I still cared about would be there waiting for me to get back. I overcame my anxiety with faith that I was making a decision with my best interests at heart. I couldn’t go on ignoring the parts of me that were crying out. I realized that continuing to live without healing myself was much more frightening than leaving the comfort of my home and finally beginning my Soulwork.
I arrived in Spain, joined the many Pilgrims, and took my first step on the path. I walked every day for 32 days. It wasn’t always easy, and it wasn’t always enjoyable. I was vulnerable, sore with blisters, even scared and lonely at times. Those feelings passed, and the blisters healed. The beauty of the landscape and the kind new friends I made kept me going. The spontaneity and possibilities of the day invigorated me. After 32 days of walking, of vulnerability, of Soulwork, I didn’t just find The Way to Santiago, I found myself.
I healed and grew in ways I’d never imagined. Life became frightening and exciting simultaneously. I challenged those emotions. I treated everyday as a new adventure. I used a lesson from one of my favorite books, A Course on Miracles, and asked myself, “Where should I go, what shall I do, and what shall I say and to whom?” I was exposed to new experiences, new perspectives, and I opened my mind and heart to them.
Along the way, I made friends, walked away from friends, and passed in and out of people’s lives. I learned about “personal boundaries” a concept that had always alluded me back in America. The relationships I’d formed and lost taught me how to set non-negotiable expectations for how I’m treated by others. Setting these personal boundaries, learning to integrate them into my daily life, and never compromising on them has transformed me into a fearless, happy, carefree man that lives life to the fullest. I use my understanding of myself to fill my life with joy. I found a new sense of purpose in life, a purpose focused on my own happiness and wellbeing. Doubts and fears never truly disappear, but we can learn tools to move past them with ease and grace. I looked at my fear and told it to walk behind me as my shadow, because I wouldn’t be led or directed by it any longer. Without fear in front of me, I became unstoppable.
But the adventure didn't stop in Spain. When the path was complete, I hit the road backpacking my way as far west as Ireland, as far east as Istanbul, from Germany in the north and as far south as Greece. I overcame threats on my life and learned all about history in that culturally rich region of the world. But I wasn't alone on this trek, I had Anxiety and Fear as my constant shadow companions, until I meet my new best friend, Peace.
Life moves fast, and we need to slow down and create time to do our Soulwork. Our time is so valuable which is why I’m available to assist you with your Soulwork at your convenience, over the phone or via video chat. During these “Coaching Conversations” I’ll use my goal setting strategies and listening techniques to help you set personal and achievable goals. By tapping into your desire to succeed and providing you with an ally to check in with and hold you accountable via text and email, you’ll be surprised by how much you can accomplish.
I have been trained to actively listen to your words and can hear the truth that you are unaware of. This valuable technique enables me to assist you with your own pilgrimage. The goals we set will excite and motivate you down your path and make your journey that much more enjoyable.
Every journey begins with a single step. Journeys of self-discovery begin with a single goal. To start your journey, and begin making your Soulwork fun and accomplishable, click the link here to request a free initial coaching session.
The free initial coaching session will be the first of our weekly Coaching Conversations and is designed to establish your goals, discuss my practices, and to decide what your attainable next step should be. At the end of the initial coaching session, I will offer you a coaching task. It will be up to you whether you will accept this challenge and continue your journey. If you decide that you’ve been putting off your Soulwork long enough and you want a qualified and experienced guide to help you down the path to your truest self, we will schedule our next Coaching Conversation.
Click the button below to request your free initial coaching session now. The answers you need are a phone call away. Your pilgrimage to finding yourself and doing your “Soulwork” starts now.